“Bullsheet. I wanna win” says the kid in me.
That’s not right. No no. Oh no. That is not ‘proper’ dialogue for a soon-to-be Mrs. I am to think, speak, and most certainly, act in all fairness, when it comes to matters of the heart. “Heart” defined here as my soon-to-be husband.
Hold on. I need a moment: “Hu…hus…baaaand” Oh.my.gosh. Deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale, repeatedly, for the rest of your life, in sickness and health, for better or worse, richer or poo–
Okay, got it.
So, I’m getting married….soon (gulp). Shouldn’t I, an engaged person, be getting it by now? “It” as in knowing the language of love extends beyond me. Though “me” may be part of the equation, “love thyself”, it’s not the end-all; safe to say, “thy neighbor” wants some love too, yes? Aha, so the “M” is interchangeable, and may be easily flipped to serve as a “W”. Love feels as this energy you want to bathe yourself in, and suggest those nearest and dearest to you that they, too, soak and ‘be taken away’ with this bubbly feeling because “you’ll feel so much better once you do”.
Still, the kid in me wants my own bath. “Why do I have to share? There’s no room! It’s not faaaaaaaaair!!!!” The feelings surrounding “yes, I won” indicate success and victory. I wanna win, all the time. But is it “winning” when the person I love with all my heart “loses”? I don’t think so. I certainly don’t feel so.
How may WE both win? Is love really a battlefield? There is push and pull. Both sides have their vision (victory), and I can imagine are well-equipped with strategies to see this vision realized. Time is of the essence and should be put to wise use. Otherwise, we’ll soon exhaust ourselves in this game of Tug of War. Plus, “I just want to move on already! I’m tired.”
Nonetheless, there is one rope we are holding onto. This force between us–literally, the rope–keeps us connected, and interestingly enough, we are holding onto it with everything we’ve got. He’s pulling this way, while I’m pulling that way, and keep in mind: I wanna win (as I’m sure he does too). But we’re playing the game together. He’s not letting go; I’m not letting go, and there lies the agreement amongst our push and pulls. Ultimately, we’ll get tired and call for a “time out!” to regroup, review our past approach to pinpoint what’s not working, and thus rethink our strategies.
So again, how may WE both win? I haven’t a clue, really. But we allow one another to see victory (no need to encourage defeat), explore his/her approach (allowing due time for clarity of views), and act accordingly (push/pull). Perhaps, we win as a couple, free to share our individual ideas and views. Perhaps we win because we’re holding onto this force–metaphorically, love–with all we’ve got. Perhaps the fact that we continue to play is the victory, his and mine, itself.
Nonetheless, I wanna win next round 😉